Sunday 11 March 2012

Twelve Things We Haven't Learnt All Season!

What's with this "12 things we learnt from..." nonsense on WHTID? The thing that characterises this season is that we have learnt sweet FA! We are the equivalent of a retard in a quantum physics lesson. Something's going on because we can hear voices, but the noise is confusing and foreign, something about quarks, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and Half Interger Spin. It all makes as much sense as flair, attacking football and passing on the ground makes to Allardyce and his coaching team.

So what 12 things has Allardyce not learnt all season?

1. That work rate can only take you so far. Sooner or later skill counts.
2. Cole doesn't score enough goals to lead the line alone at home.
3. We don't have anybody to play wide on the right in a 4-3-3 formation because Faubert can't score and can't cross for his life. Unless Morrison has what it takes.
4. If you don't gamble, you are one dimensional.
5. Maynard and Baldock both need to play alongside another striker. If you pick either you can't play Nolan unless...
6. ...Unless Nolan is used as a conventional striker dropping into the hole in a 4-4-2 formation with either Baldock or Maynard playing off him.
7. Collison sadly doesn't have what it takes and can't take corners.
8. Noble is our most creative midfielder and needs to be paired with somebody who gives him the freedom to operate further forward and control the game.
9. When we take the lead we mustn't try to sit on 1-0 at home.
10. A lot of work has to be put in on the training field to improve crossing into the box.
11. Getting the ball into the box any which way you can isn't enough - you have to create chances.
12. Strikers thrive on confidence. Picking them and dropping them destroys that confidence.

Will Allardyce learn? Well what's the chances of that retard mastering quantum physics exactly?

5 comments:

USAHammer said...

But what about all the scientific knowledge his computers tell him....

beelzebub said...

We will be 3rd come tuesday night and we will be 3 points adrift come saturday.

I had accepted like most west ham fans that BFS was a necessary evil to get us back to the promised land, but not once this season have i accepted the shit we have been served up in terms of style of play. My prediction was BFS would be getting the tin tack early next year once up, but now unfortunately he will go at the end of this season when we fail to win in the play off.'s. This years play off's teams should not be under estimated, there are some real threats in a one off game situation.

And whats the true effect on the squad ? who goes ?, well anyone worth any money ofc, but everyone will know this and I'm not so sure the likes of Nolan will have them queuing at the door to sign him.

No promotion = ?? how fukced are we ??, because i feel come saturday we will be looking down the barrel of this problem in full Technicolor

darrenharry said...

Glad you read Monty XXXII. Point 11 of your paper confuses me, I have to say. Were you "Collosaning"" by this stage?

Anonymous said...

What about lesson 13? That the team must learn to pass to the players wearing claret and blue or the away kit, if different!

Anonymous said...

More Dale bait from this empty vessel.